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Awesome! I spent the weekend moving my grandfather into assisted living, taking my mother in law out for her birthday ...


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Old 02-19-2017, 06:58 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Awesome!

I spent the weekend moving my grandfather into assisted living, taking my mother in law out for her birthday and making room for my son to move back in.

In a short amount of time, we will have gone from finally having the house to ourselves to having 2 "kids" and my mother in law, who can no longer be left alone, moving in.

Yay
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Old 02-19-2017, 07:51 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by oppo View Post
Awesome!

I spent the weekend moving my grandfather into assisted living, taking my mother in law out for her birthday and making room for my son to move back in.

In a short amount of time, we will have gone from finally having the house to ourselves to having 2 "kids" and my mother in law, who can no longer be left alone, moving in.

Yay
Oh man, I feel for you. My wife and I after 27 years of marriage are finally empty nesters. We've either had relatives, in-laws or pets with us all that time. Last April my wife's mother who had been living with us almost eight years passed. She was going on 94.

This brought us into a new era of "just the two of us". At first we didn't know how to act. Our plans were to get away immediately but our local court system had other plans and called me for jury duty. By the time got out of that my business was so backed up I had to go right back to work.

It seemed like every time we talked about going someplace, we talked ourselves out of it. We had gotten so use to being home, we didn't want to go anywhere. We broke that with a short trip to Kiawah Island, SC. That was cut short because hurricane Matthew chased us back. Then a week long vacation at Disney in Dec.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, this time of taking care of others doesn't last forever. This too shall pass and you'll be able to resume life as just the two of you. If your wife is going to be her mothers main caretaker, just support her. Try not to make remarks that puts her in the middle of having to chose between you and her mother. She's going to have a difficult enough time as it is and you'll be her hero for accepting the current situation. If you need to vent (I know how frustrating it can be) we're here.
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Old 02-19-2017, 11:56 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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I hear you, agree completely, and thank you.

I have been nothing but understanding and supportive. What sucks is that I spend so much time out of town working which drastically limits how much I can actually help her out. Right now, there are quite a few doctors appointments as we are trying to get her mom the help she should have already received. She was staying with my brother in law but that was a bad situation we needed to get her out of. They were leaving her alone, not getting her medical care, taking advantage of her financially, letting her eat nothing but chips, ice cream, and other junk for meals not only causing her to gain weight to the point of having a hard time getting around but also causing high blood pressure and to become borderline diabetic. They let her just hide out in her room watching TV all day. She was miserable. Now, she spends most of her time in the living room. We get her out and about and take her places with us and get her moving around. We oversee what groceries she buys and I prepare healthy meals and ensure that they are low sodium. My wife has been taking her to doctors appointments and sorting out her health insurance situation getting her the help she needs. My mother in law still has her moments but overall she is obviously much happier now and definitely better cared for.

Our extra kiddo (actually my wife's cousin who was basically abandoned so we took him in and raised him when he was 14, now 21) moved back in which has actually been nice so there is someone there to watch my mother in law during the day and make sure she doesn't screw up her medicine. Some days are better than others, but sadly she is mentally comparable to a child at this point and gets confused very easily. Unfortunately, I don't forsee her ever living on her own again.
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Old 02-20-2017, 03:52 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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My mother in laws passing was a roller coaster ride. She was up and down and up and down. Just when we thought she wouldn't last the weekend, Monday she'd be bright eye'd and coherent. She was on hospice care where the nurses come in to make her as comfortable as she could be and keep her clean. There were times they didn't think she'd make it through the night and then she'd rebound again. She re-wrote the book on dying.

Hospice is only suppose to be involved in the last six months of a persons life. My mother in law flip flopped back and forth so much they cut her loose. She then died six weeks later.

I don't know at what stage of life your mother in law is. Sounds like she could still be active just not mentally capable of caring for herself. Sounds just about like how my mother in law was when she first came to live with us. She was 86 then and lasted 8 years under my wife's spectacular care.

I could only hope to spend my last days as well taken care of as my MIL. But we didn't have any children. So if I'm one of those long, slow passings. I'll be in some rest home making everyone miserable. I really hope when it's my time that it's like someone turned a light switch off. Here one second.....gone the next.
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Old 02-20-2017, 10:34 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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I don't know at what stage of life your mother in law is. Sounds like she could still be active just not mentally capable of caring for herself.
That is exactly the situation. She just turned 67 on Saturday and hopefully has a lot of years left. Unfortunately, she is showing obvious signs of dimentia as well as having had a stroke. She has another appointment coming up to verify the stroke but it has basically been confirmed at this point. What pisses me off is that my brother in law still swears she is fine and "just making stuff up and playing the victim". She doesn't realize how bad she has gotten and how anyone, let alone her son, can spend more than a few minutes around her and *not* see a problem is beyond me. I forsee this bring a long road and unfortunately, I believe the time will come when she will have to be in a nursing home. I dread that day for her sake and my wife's.

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Old 02-21-2017, 11:15 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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More weaving
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Old 02-21-2017, 05:52 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by ViperJeff View Post
More weaving
I'm glad that you have a hobby that you enjoy doing besides crunching SRT10 numbers.
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Old 02-21-2017, 06:08 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by oppo View Post
I foresee this being a long road and unfortunately, I believe the time will come when she will have to be in a nursing home. I dread that day for her sake and my wife's.
That is a very difficult call to make specially when the loved one going into the rest home is begging you not to leave them there. Absolutely heartbreaking.

A person with dementia/Alzheimers needs to be kept in familiar surroundings. Taking them out of their normal routine can totally confuse them even worse than their normal level of confusion.

My MIL got to the point that she didn't want to leave her little sitting room (which became her bedroom). If she did come out to spend any time with us in the living room, it was only for a short time. Then she wanted to return to her room.

Sometimes she wanted to listen to her era of music WWII type music. Benny Goodman, Glen Miller type stuff. But it was bitter sweet. It took her back to a younger time. Even though there was world turmoil (like when isn't there), she was young and married and raising a family. We could hear her trying to sing along but would often end up hearing her crying.

As my father says, "Growing old ain't for sissy's". And taking care of the old isn't either. You just try and do the best you can for them. Keep them comfortable, clean and fed. You may be called upon to do things you never thought you'd have to do. More than once I had to assist my wife with getting the MIL off the toilet. Just some of the moments in life I wish I could erase from my memory banks.

Again, if you have any questions, we're here or PM me.
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Old 02-21-2017, 07:35 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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The one we've been setting up (warping the beam), hope to be weaving in a couple of days

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Old 02-21-2017, 09:20 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Oh the toilet. Had to do that once with my other grandfather and many times with my mom's cousin toward the end. I was the only one that could lift her.

We got the results back from the MRI and it turns out that she doesn't have dimentia afterall. Her symptoms are because she has a condition called white matter disease which is a degenerative brain disease that typically only effects people in their 80's and 90's. The doctors believe it was brought on by what turns out to be multiple strokes.

White Matter Disease: Causes, Symptoms, Treatment
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