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My buddy asked me if he could crash on my couch tonight.. I had to explain to him that I ...


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Old 02-23-2018, 06:05 AM   #11 (permalink)
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My buddy asked me if he could crash on my couch tonight..

I had to explain to him that I am married now.. and that's where I sleep.
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Old 02-26-2018, 09:40 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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A man goes into the pharmacist and asks for some viagra. 'Have you got a prescription,' the pharmacist asks him. 'No, but will a picture of my wife do?' the man asks.
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Old 02-26-2018, 07:26 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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I don't like Viagra. I took one once and it was difficult to swallow. It got stuck in my throat and gave me a stiff neck.
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Old 02-27-2018, 12:10 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Old 02-27-2018, 12:16 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Old 03-02-2018, 12:49 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Hehehe I like this thread, nice idea.
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Old 03-17-2018, 04:21 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair, under the table, and under the table cloth, but the man stared straight ahead.
The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and totally out of sight under the tablecloth.

Still, the man stared straight ahead.

The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risqué, and worried that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man:
"Pardon me sir, but I think your wife just slid under the table."

The man calmly looked up at her and said:
"No, unfortunately, she just walked in."
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Old 03-20-2018, 09:14 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach...

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is.'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play. Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother:

'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.
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Old 05-08-2018, 06:07 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Old 08-22-2018, 11:37 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.
For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking.
How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
And God saw it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said,
"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.
For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years?
That's a pretty long time to perform.
How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God, again saw it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said,
"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family.
For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said,
"Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years?
Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back,
the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.
For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.
I'm doing it as a public service.
If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.
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